Author: bruceandholly

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Andy Burnham on Gogglebox? I’d rather watch YouTube.

bruceandholly
Man playing piano for seniors beneath a “COMMUNITY TEA DANCE – WELCOME” sign
A pianist performs as older adults applaud at a welcoming community tea dance.

I’m sorry but I didn’t watch Andy Burnham on Gogglebox. Nothing personal. It’s just that I don’t watch Gogglebox. Why do I want to watch people sitting on a sofa watching television? It’s the same reason that I don’t watch endless episodes of Love Island, or Big Brother; Celebrity Traitors; or I’m a Celebrity: Get me out of here. Is it just me? I don’t want to watch disgraced former politicians like Matt Hancock being funny. But I did watch 20 minutes of Prince William on the Graham Norton show. Isn’t he tall? And isn’t he a nice guy? While his father is so short? But eventually I got bored and went to the kitchen to do the washing up. For those of us old enough to remember, one of TV’s most cringe making moments was a clip of the late Dennis Healey MP thumping the piano and singing “Maybe it’s Because I’m a Londoner” to a group of pensioners. Was he trying to win votes? It’s because mainstream TV is now so awful that in our house we have taken to watching YouTube

With YouTube, you get entertainment from around the world. You flick through until something catches your eye. Much of it is privately posted, like footage from somebody’s wedding. And aren’t some of them lavish? And most of this World entertainment is so much better than the smug nonsense and endless repeats which we get on our hundreds of Freeview Channels. Why is it all so samey? Is someone trying to dumb us down? Maybe Putin? It doesn’t matter to me that so much of YouTube content is in a different language. You don’t have to speak fluent Italian to enjoy watching Puccini. Plus the fact that Farida, my partner, understands so much of that footage So I might get a running commentary. Not always. I might even pick up a few words of Urdu along the way. Never enough to hold a conversation. And I’m sure that I’m not alone. Like so many British men, I seem to have a mental block when it comes to learning languages. I think it goes back to the French I was taught at secondary school. The thing I most remember from those dismal lessons was that I never actually met anybody who was French. You were more likely to be taught by the woodwork teacher. And I don’t think that anything’s really changed.

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Why internet dating is like an arranged marriage

bruceandholly

How I wish that I had internet dating when I was in my late teens and early twenties. So much better than looking for love in a crowded disco. Shouting above the noise,

” Ello Luv! Wanna dance?”

With internet dating, I could have taken my pick from the World. And from the comfort of my living room table. Instead of squeezing past bouncers. Of course it wasn’t always like that. Before the Great War, many artisan marriages were within trades. For example, the dressmaker’s daughter marrying the tailor’s cutter. I guess it was quite transactional. And if you were wondering about tailor’s cutters? They were people who made shirts. In the days before every shirt was imported from China. And there are also similarities with modern internet dating.

When you log onto your dating site, your internet platform steps into the role of ‘kaaj lady’ or marriage broker. Like a kaaj lady, it will show you pictures of prospective dates. Klick on one of those pictures and she will give you a little more information about their job and social standing. Then is over to you

business, career, culture, emotional intelligence, job; career; money; raise; pay; increase, relationships, self improvement, society

How to get a ‘radio voice’

bruceandholly

I am with Education Secretary Lucy Powell when it comes to teaching young people how to be better communicators.

How you speak defines who you are. It defines how everyone else in the world will react to you. I’m sorry if I’m sounding a little old-fashioned. Perhaps a little too much of the ‘My Fair Lady’. But it’s the truth.

Yes I know that it’s cool to speak like Ali G. 20 years ago every young person in the UK aspired to speak like Ali G. Even some radio and TV presenters spoke like Ali G. But I’m sorry to tell you that Ali G is a pretend character. Sacha Baron Cohen doesn’t talk like Ali G when he is speaking to his agent. And speaking like Ali G is never going to get you that job in the City

It’s also why being ‘well spoken’ was so important to my parents when I was growing up in Essex. Particularly to Lilian, my late mother. Perhaps it was something to do with London’s East End, where she grew up and where any affected accent was deemed ‘la di da’. It was all to do with social mobility. But being well spoken isn’t about being la di da. It is about being clear, articulate and grammatically correct. Pronouncing the ends of your words. Not the Tony Blair glottal stop. In other words ‘sounding educated’.

Many years ago, a former line manager told me that my accent was ‘neutral’. He said it as a compliment. That it would be accepted anywhere. Years later, someone commented that I had a ‘radio voice’. Again, it was said as a compliment. So how do you get that elusive ‘radio voice’. Here are my tips:

  • Listen to yourself. I guarantee you’ll be shocked. I certainly was when I heard my 999 telephone call to the police being broadcast to Uxbridge Magistrates, when I was appearing as I witness for the prosecution in a case where I had seen a woman being attacked in the street. Did I really sound like that?
  • Get in the habit of using voice dictation in your work. Just as I am using voice dictation in the writing of this article. Voice dictation is fickle. If it can’t understand what you are sayng, it will just refuse to transcribe. It might even respond to you with a mouthful of abuse. When you use voice dictation you have to emphasize every vowel and consonant.
  • Look for every opportunity to speak in public. Learn the art of public speaking. Read my article ‘How to be a Great Speaker’. Join a speaker’s club where you can practice your skill week in and week out. Learn to think on your feet. Not like Trump’s new press secretary. If you can communicate well you will gain self-confidence. It will change your life
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The Passing of a Writer

bruceandholly
Writer typing at a vintage typewriter in a book-filled study
A writer works at a vintage typewriter surrounded by books, papers, and family photographs.

I don’t feel quite the same way about the recent passing of Jeffrey Archer as I did – say – with the passing of Frederick Forsyth a couple of years back. For me Forsyth was up there with the greats, like Stephen King or the late Wilbur Smith. Day of the Jackal was part of my adolescence. The difference with Forsyth and Smith is that they wrote from their own life experience. By contrast, Archer came across to me as a former Conservative politician turned writer. Yes he was good at his trade. I have read a couple of his books. Though I can’t remember any of the plots. Other than that I recall one of them being based in the Vichy France. Have I got that right? But Archer was famous in other ways. He was the first celebrity defendant to be convicted by a jury. I recall him standing against Red Ken in one of the London mayoral elections. But I didn’t vote for him. All I remember about his campaign was that he wanted to reduce some bus services. What a choice that was?

politics, society, Uncategorized

No Scrapping ofJury Trials

bruceandholly
People seated in a wood-paneled courtroom gallery during proceedings
Community members listen attentively from the gallery during a formal courtroom proceeding.

If the late Ken Dodd was to be tried again today on the same evidence for alleged tax evasion, I am convinced that a modern jury would not have hesitated to convict him. Because today’s jury is more savvy. Less likely to be bamboozled by someone’s celebrity. We saw that in the conviction of cuddly children’s entertainer Rolf Harris a few years back. And he was not alone. It’s why I am always impressed by the collective wisdom of today’s juries: the men and women which the Starmer government wanted to abolish for mid-range offences. I’m so glad that Burnham has seen sense.

Because the real damage from a criminal conviction is not the slap on the wrist from a judge or magistrate. It is the long-term reputational damage. The ruination of a future career. So wouldn’t you want your case to be tried by men and women who could see life through your eyes? Instead of a state appointee?